


The Consequences of Winning a Bet

by oopshidaisy



Series: seducing norse gods for fun and profit [3]
Category: Marvel 616, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Awkwardness, Bets & Wagers, Canon Compliant, Humor, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, M/M, Team Bonding, The Meeting from Hell, Tony's Unfortunate Habit of Sleeping with Villains, getting told off by your teammates for breaking the sacred 'don't have sex with supervillains' rule, the tony stark story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27190705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oopshidaisy/pseuds/oopshidaisy
Summary: “I really don’t think this is an Avengers issue,” Tony said.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: seducing norse gods for fun and profit [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614547
Comments: 15
Kudos: 161





	The Consequences of Winning a Bet

**Author's Note:**

> you may have thought this series was over but. it's not. tony's apology tour continues

“I really don’t think this is an Avengers issue,” Tony said.

Five sets of eyes blinked disappointedly in his direction. He backtracked.

“Okay, so maybe it’s an Avengers issue, but is it an _all_ of the Avengers issue? Or even a _most_ of the Avengers issue, because I must say I’m glad King T’Challa hasn’t been dragged into this one. He seems like a guy who doesn’t have a lot of free time. But, regardless: I’m happy just being berated by Steve in private.”

“Historically, that hasn’t had much of effect,” Steve said.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Tony replied, “I think it has an _effect_.”

“I think,” Carol said, “that flirting with everyone is how you got into this mess, Tony. So you could consider stopping.”

“I _could_ …” Tony grinned. Being a dick was a lot easier than looking in Thor’s direction right now, so he was planning to just keep on doing it. “Look, there is actually an official Avengers policy on sleeping with villains, it’s true. I haven’t been able to figure out who implemented it or what it was in response to. My instinct is that it has something to do with Wolverine. Who’s with me on that?”

Robbie began to raise his hand. Carol slapped it down.

“What we _don’t_ have is a policy on sleeping with _reformed_ villains,” Tony continued. Without looking in Thor’s direction, he said: “Thor, buddy, am I right in saying Loki’s reformed? It’s a loophole.”

“Thor isn’t exactly the most objective judge of that,” Steve pointed out. “Sorry, Thor.”

“Okay, but it’s only me and Thor who’ve even _seen_ Loki recently,” Tony said. “It’s not like he’s got anyone else to vouch for him.”

“Does the last time he attempted to destroy our planet count as _recent_?” Carol asked.

“I’m glad you asked!” Tony said brightly. “No. It doesn’t. Anyone who’s had any contact with Loki since May of last year, feel free to judge me. Everyone else: I am a consenting adult who had sex with another consenting adult, and I resent having to have a tribunal about it.”

Steve sighed. “We’re not trying to _judge_ you, Tony, we’re trying to make sure you’re safe.”

“And not mind-controlled,” Robbie added helpfully.

“And worthy of my brother’s affections,” said Thor.

“Oh my god,” Tony said. “I’m the one who’s out of _his_ league.”

Silence reigned.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Tony repeated. He stood up. “Okay, well, this has been as horrible as when we first saw Thor and She-Hulk making out—” Both made affronted noises. “—so I think we’ll wrap it up there! Steve, my people will be contacting you about the commercial. Someone needs to update Spider-Man’s spreadsheet to declare me the winner. I’m never talking to any of you about my sex life again unless you’re involved in it, and I will be taking some personal time. Do not contact me for the next few months unless there is world-ending danger, which, who am I kidding? Of course there’s imminent world-ending danger. If it’s to do with vampires again, though, keep it to yourselves.”

Within seconds, the Iron Man suit was safely enfolding him and he was pushing its thruster capacity to get him back home as quickly as possible. He didn’t think he’d blushed that hard since he confronted with high school at age twelve.

It was with a sigh of relief that he reached the landing pad of his New York tower (formerly Avengers Tower, now passed over as the Avengers’ base of operations in favor of a Celestial’s icy corpse). He took the helmet off first, running a hand through the sweaty, disheveled mess of hair beneath.

“That went well,” came a voice from behind him. Loki.

Tony’s jump of shock was made louder by all the metal on his person. “ _Fuck_.”

“You lowered your defenses.”

It was true that Tony had made some alterations to Stark Tower’s security. Nothing that couldn’t be justified. Just, enough so it might be possible for Loki to slip through the cracks if he was trying hard enough.

“Routine adjustments,” he lied. Loki could probably tell. “I’ll have to patch up whatever hole you got in through.”

“Hm,” Loki smiled. “I don’t think you want to do that.”

He moved closer.

“I _just_ got done being told off for this,” Tony sighed.

“And it was rather entertaining,” Loki said. Tony didn’t question the fact that Loki had somehow been witness to the whole thing. He probably just had magic sensors for whenever people were talking about him behind his back. Tony wished he could invent something similar. “I’d like to make it worth it for you.”

His voice was all kinds of dangerous, and pretty much every remaining survival instinct Tony had was yelling _bad idea!_

But Tony’s life sometimes felt like a teetering stack of bad ideas anyway. What was one more?

“Yeah, whatever,” he said.

Loki smirked at him. “You say the sweetest things.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! comment below if there's anything else you'd like to see from this series
> 
> i'm on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/oopshidaisy)


End file.
